Sharing My Beautiful Mess

I am feeling compelled to write about my experiences, while they are still messy, raw, in process. I am tired of neatly packaging my growth experiences after the fact — I feel it sets up unrealistic expectations of linearity for others.

This is a personal exercise in letting go — of perfectionism, of control, of shame — and flowing in the moment.

This is also a personal exercise in asking for help — being vulnerable, being messy — and trusting in my community for support and insight.

If my deepest core-value is self-expression, that includes talking about my current struggles to find my expression and share it with the world. There will be many messy questions and very few tidy conclusions.

This cuts across my business, my personal life, and my identity. I want to release all pressure and shame around being exactly who I am, no matter who I am with. I want to exist publicly as a whole person across the various parts of my life.

This feels risky and exciting at once — which has always been a feeling that I pursue. On my compass, fear points north towards exactly the growth I need.

Why share this writing? I’m not really sure. Why do we share our expression? It feels like a deep need for me. I do hope that this writing is a signal to others that feel the way I do, that it inspires someone else, especially someone who exists in the world like me.

But above all, this writing is for me to figure out me; to continue finding wholeness, belonging and growth as a human being.